Sizing up the opposition

One of the first things you will do when you arrive at the tribunal is size up the opposition. This is part of human nature – and potentially useful: you want to know what you’re up against. Your opponent’s choice of hot drink is a key ‘tell’ which it is essential that you learn to read. Here is a rough and ready guide:

Black coffee: A solid, if unexciting, performer.

White coffee: Also solid, but may be a little more inclined to settle.

With sugar: Sugar in this context is a sure sign of trouble. Anyone taking sugar has probably spotted some horrible hole in their case and is steeling themselves to meet it. Or they may just have a sweet tooth. Unfortunately the latter does not necessarily equate to a sweet disposition.

Espresso: A hard bitten, driven and ruthless opponent. Will not want to settle and is a formidable cross-examiner.

Double espresso: Got the papers yesterday evening and has spent the night trying to figure out what the case is about. Consequently is barely awake. Try to time any complex legal argument for mid-afternoon when they’ll be least able to cope with it.

Latte: Doesn’t really like coffee. Which means they can’t be a real lawyer.

Cappuccino: Isn’t taking the case seriously. They’re either very confident, or will make an settlement offer before the tribunal starts.

Tea: Excellent client handling skills, but may be weak in tribunal.

Chamomile tea: Very anxious and probably also short of sleep. Progressed from double espressos to Pro-Plus as the night wore on and is now trying to calm down enough to hold the same thought for two consecutive seconds. Might do anything.

Other herbal tea: Difficult to read. Either a laid back hippie type, who has strayed in by accident from a yoga class. Or a zen master of tribunal-fu.