Gross misconduct – how do you do it?

Sometimes you need to get sacked, but you just can’t think of a really good act of gross misconduct. Here are some suggestions.

Old-fashioned violence

Fighting at work is an effective way of getting a P45 in most workplaces. It’s unoriginal, though, isn’t it?

Swearing

Only attempt to get dismissed by swearing if you are sure your employer is fairly straight-laced. Some employers will just cheerfully curse back; others may not even notice.

Always swear in a language your employer knows – you’re wasting your breath otherwise. Besides, it’s bad manners.

Offences involving cake

Employment lawyers are often asked ‘How can I get dismissed using only a cake?’

It’s a tricky problem, but not insoluble. The point about cake is that although it’s nice, it’s not always appropriate.

Offences involving public address systems

If you’re lucky enough to have access to a public address system at work, this opens up some of the most appealing possibilities for gross misconduct. To score points for style, why not see if you can get summarily dismissed for what you have said on the public address system without saying anything untrue, confidential or obscene?

Work to rule

‘Working to rule’ is a type of industrial action, where union members work to the letter of their contracts. This is surprisingly disruptive in most organisations.

A one-person conventional work to rule could get you dismissed in the end, but it’s unlikely to achieve the elegant simplicity of summary dismissal for gross misconduct. The real opportunity is to work up, rather than down, to your contract or job description. This will be particularly effective if they contain words like ‘enthusiastic’, ‘pro-active’ or ‘initiative’.

Putting the gross into gross misconduct

We leave this to your imagination.